How to Resent Your Partner: a Fool-Proof Guide

If there’s any emotion that gives me the warm fuzzies when it appears in therapy, it’s resentment, of course! Bitterness and intense feelings of being treated unfairly are just a bundle of joy. And obviously most couples just love having it around. After all, it has the power to escalate arguments, disrupt their sex life, and lead to feelings of extreme anxiety and depression. Sounds like the recipe for any successful relationship, am I right?! So, check out my tips to figure out exactly what YOU need to do to become completely and utterly resentful of your partner. You’re welcome!

1. Keep all of your needs to yourself.

Do you wish your partner would help more with the housework? Do you feel as though they always jump to finding solutions rather than just empathizing with you at the end of a long day? Don’t say a word! Instead, keep your fingers crossed that your partner will just read your mind. Better yet, give them the silent treatment and pray to the gods that they’ll put the pieces together on their own. I mean, surely they should just know that very specific thing you need, right?! Easy peasy.

2. Do nice things for your partner—but only so you can use it as ammo later.

Hang out with those friends you hate, pick up their cousin from the airport even though it’s going to greatly inconvenience you, or pack your partner a lunch even though you haven’t packed one for yourself yet. But don’t just do these things because you want to. Why would you do that!? Do it so that you can brag about ALL the things you do for them without getting anything in return. And do it so that you can fester about how your needs are consistently being pushed aside. That way, when your partner brings up something that’s bothering them, you’ll have a laundry list of things you’ve done but didn’t want to. Perfect!!!

3. Get mad at your partner when they finally start doing what you want.

So you’ve been asking your partner for months to do the dishes and they’re finally doing them. Don’t be appreciative or grateful—you know better than that! Don’t see it as a sign that they’re partner flexible or committed to making you happy. Instead, get mad over the fact that it took you telling them to make a change. I mean, they should have just done it on themselves! Making a change after you’ve said something is completely unacceptable.

4. Become completely and utterly dependent on your partner.

Don’t invest any of your time or energy on your own personal development or growth. Stop hanging out with your friends and doing those hobbies you love, and make sure you rely on your partner for everything. That way, you’ll HATE them whenever they prioritize themselves. Perfect!

5. Say yes to anything and everything, even if you don’t want to do it.

Being a good partner means having no boundaries about anything. So, do the things you hate and just act like a jerk all day around your partner. They need to see how much agony you put yourself through to make them happy!

The Bottom Line

In all seriousness, resentment is something I see all too often when working with couples and it can have extremely toxic effects on a relationship. I’ve noticed that resentment often appears in someone who has been unable to voice their needs, while continually doing things they don’t want to do. The resentful person also often does things because they “have to” or “should,” which only causes them to experience an internal sense of bitterness that leads to outbursts in arguments later on. On the flip side, resentment also often occurs when someone feels as though they have been repeatedly let down or lied to. So, if your partner asks you to do something, it’s important to be honest about if you are or are not willing to do that. And if you aren’t, explain why so that they can be in the loop.

If you’re someone who’s experiencing resentment in your relationship, it might be time for couples counselling. Email kristina@fresh-insight.ca or call (647) 300 - 9465 to book an appointment.